It was helpful to blog about being in a funk…it seems to actually have helped. I guess you don’t just keep that stuff in. 30 years old and I’m still learning self soothing. Isn’t that something babies learn? Well, they say Capricorns get younger with age…maybe I’m finally learning things I was supposed to learn in infancy 😛
I used to struggle greatly with black and white thinking. I was very dogmatic. Dogmatic thinking only brought frustration. Especially during my stint in religion. Why can we eat pork but not get tattoos? I never understood the picking and choosing. My pork/tattoo anology is my attempt at picking a non-offensive comparison because the topic isn’t the point. The point is that even following the rules doesn’t mean I’ll have the luxury of avoiding the grey in life. Black and white thinking simply is impossible. My psychiatrist told me (much more eloquently than I can remember…) that living in the grey is a mark of maturity. So I don’t know where my astrological sign comes in. Am I growing older or getting younger! 😛 At any rate…I’m clearly rambling.
My point is that I still struggle with “going all out”. Specifically diet and exercise. I do great with a diet that involves “1.4 cup this, 2 tbs that, etc…” I like being told exactly what to do. It feels safe. Guaranteed results. Weight Watchers….it’ll never happen…too much freedom for me. After re-reading my blog from yesterday I realized I am falling into dogmatic thinking again. No, diet, exercise and eastern healing practices didn’t solve my depression but I shouldn’t rationalize that they played no role at all. I’m sure they helped! For the first few months of this year I was “going all out” on a diet and I did feel better. No, I couldn’t get off the pills but I felt great.
So, its a new day. I am going to once again try and embrace a more healthy lifestyle. If I struggle with dogma, I’m at least going to choose a healthy dogma for now…until I can finally find the grey.